How do I do it all? Currently giggling as I write this post and think about Halloween yesterday. How Hunter and my grandiose Tigger and Eeyore costumes (to match Pooh & Piglet of course) never showed up, how I forgot to get little trick or treating buckets for the twins, and also, candy for the neighborhood kids. I’m embarrassed sharing this, but hey, you want me ta keep it real right. Luckily I turned my yoga pants I was wearing into an “athleisure cat” costume, my kids didn’t actually trick or treat, and Hunter saved the day with a last minute run to the market for some Kit Kats. Everything was okay. Everyone was fine! And for the record, we had a great time!
Anyway, I get this question a lot. The how do you do it question. I mean, we all do at some point right. Most likely on the one day we happen to look put together (that’s my story any way!). I’ve put off answering the question because guess what, I don’t have an answer! I don’t do it all. I do what I can. And I do my best! After 18 months into motherhood, there’s no question life right now is a constant shift and a constant adjustment. I’m still trying to figure it all out, but when it comes to my family, work and so on, here are a few tiny things that play a part in my not so balanced, day to day :)
Self Awareness
Becoming aware of who I am as a mom versus who I was before a mom has been a big game changer. The days are long, and often (really) hard. But the difference between hard now and hard in the newborn stage is aside from more rest and less hormones (#truth), and the fact that I know my kids better, I’m starting to understand myself better in my new role as a parent. I am still Carly of course, but my old ways of thinking and doing do not work the same for me anymore. At least right now. Figuring out that I can’t go go go like I used to was (and is) a major struggle, but learning and accepting new ways with my babies has really aided in helping my puzzle pieces fit and also thrive. I (try to) pull the pressure off of old ways and make room for new ones. Even if they’re not the same kind of fun for a few years, lol.
Saying No
Since we’re talking old ways versus new, learning to say no has been a new powerful tool in this season of life. But let me tell you, as a yes girl at heart, the word no is a hard one! In both the work and social aspect. I’m definitely not trying for hermit crab status over here, but as I learn to say no to things, events, gatherings etc., I’m finding room to say yes to more things with purpose. I’m also finding that instead of trying to get everyone from A to B to C, I have time to stop what I’m doing in the kitchen or what not and say yes to my kids in moments they need me most. Usually right there on the floor, reading a book. My favorite moments with my children in this season of life have been at home. So I know this adjustment has served me (us) well.
Family Schedule
We are on a schedule! And if we aren’t, you’ll hear about it :)
That’s not to say every day is status quo. We are actually working through a tricky nap situation, with one babe napping well, and one babe napping hardly at all. And lots of confusing days! But in general, when we find something that works, we stick to it.
Work Schedule
Unlike the kids schedule, I keep my work schedule a little more flexible. One week may be PR heavy while the next is blog heavy. I do most work remotely via conference call or email, and I really try not to over schedule meetings or events that require me to be there in person. Whether it be online collabs or attendance at an event, I always analyze the situation, opportunity, compensation etc. before committing. I really practice the “saying no” method in work life so when opportunities I want present themselves, I can say yes.
Date Night
Hunter and I spend a lot of time raising the kids together, but the amount of (quality) time we spend alone is limited of course. We started to do date night at home once a week where we make a good meal, open a good bottle of wine, put our phones in a box, maybe light a candle, maybe sit outside, and just talk. I think for awhile we felt we couldn’t squeeze date night in without a babysitter and restaurant, and though there is of course so much more than date night to keeping your marriage alive, finding this easy ritual at home has been really good for us!
Me Time
There’s a whole lot of buzz around the phrases self love and self care but they truly are all the hype! They’re so necessary in this walk of motherhood, and I’ve found it important to differentiate between “time spent away with the kids for work“, and “time spent away with the kids for me.” Whether that be waking up super early to get a good read or work out in, or spending one nap time a week to watch a good show, or getting creative in the kitchen while Hunter’s outside with the kids on the weekend, I do it. When I can get out of the house alone, my favorite things to do are a good Pilates class, solo grocery store trip, massage, or lunch with a friend!
Music
Adding this light and fun one in because it’s so underrated! The kids and I almost always have music on when we are home! And it’s usually kids tunes. It brightens up the mood (and even the melt-downs), and just transforms the day! Our favorite thing to listen to is Baby Einstein on Pandora.
Help
I (try to) accept it!
And not just in “caretaker” form. I used to have the tough guy “I can do it on my own” attitude, because I can do it on my own. But when my best friend offers to change a diaper, or the guy at the grocery store offers to help me to my car, I try to say yes, followed by a thank you very much.
A Positive End
Some nights before I get into bed I’ll sneak into the babies room and just watch them sleep. And occasionally I’ll lean over and give them each a kiss. It’s a very risky game at that hour. And has lead to some no fun consequences. But I have never regretted it. Whether I’m brave enough to go in, or just stare at the babes on the monitor, the whole thing just really centers me and ends my day on a positive with so much gratitude.
Perspective
I try to find comments from loved ones, quotes from books, or little things to fall back on when I need a perspective shift, and my latest go to is my recent convo with my My 85 year old grandma. I asked what it was like raising her six babies (all one-two years apart!) and she said, “it was hard, but looking back, raising my kids was the happiest time of my life.” There were no further questions because I’m pretty sure that woman knows damn well what she’s talking about. And I know I’m damn lucky to be in it right now. So I’m going to try as hard as I can not to take that for granted.
Those are my things right now. I’m always finding little ways to ease the season so I’ll of course continue to share. Thanks for following along as always!
