Lately I’ve struggled to find one on on time with my kiddos. It sounds silly to some, but one of the amazing thing about twins is they’re on the same schedule. They wake up at the same time, they eat at the same time, they play at the same time, and they nap at the same time. Since they’re under 2, our organized events are “mommy and me” for now, so I can’t drop one off for his/her activity and spend time with the other. They’re both still little. And they both still need me. Which I shared in last year’s post is one of the greatest things.
But there is something perhaps greater. That I’ve known, but realized hard on one of my recent one on one’s with a twin.
I took Slates to the park. I brought him down “the big slide” that I rarely to never do when I’ve got both kids on my own. I looked him in the eye the entire afternoon. And almost felt that aha moment, like oh, this is what it’s like to have all my eyes on just one. But my heart ached a sinch. I started to wonder what the other is doing. And do I dare admit, I missed the chaos?
We went home.
And while I enjoyed every bit of bonding time with my little man, and watching his personality shine through independent of his sister, there was something almost cooler. Something just as big as that slide. The eye contact. And that hour of me and him time.
Something that was indeed, the aha moment.
I pulled up to our house and the baby I left behind was looking through the window. I thought she was looking at me, but she was looking at her brother. And as much as I was excited to see her, the baby I had in my arms was just as excited to see her too. The twins smiled. Laughed. Touched each others hair. They truly missed each other. And once again motherhood fooled me. And took me to another magical level.
Watching my two babies interact, share, and love one another on the regular is amazing. They bring each other their stuffed animals. They’ll feed each other waffles, and they are starting to realize when to settle down a bit because the other badly needs mama. They sit in the corner together and read books. They chase each other. When we do one on ones now, Slates will often say, “sissy?” Like where is she. And vice versa. Also I love how they babble before bed. Since they can’t even speak full sentences yet, I know this is only the beginning.
Strangers say funny things to twin moms. But every now and then I’ll get a genuine heartfelt “wow, twins. You are so blessed.” And I always stop in my tracks for a moment to acknowledge, as they are my favorite words to hear. Because while some days I feel overwhelmed by twin mom guilt, I know that the best thing I did for our family, is give them each other.
One on one’s are amazing. And I will do them when I can of course! But for a long while, like many other aspects of motherhood, I was putting so much pressure on the idea. On myself. Like I had to over compensate. But it’s not the truth. The kids are fine. I think they know I love each of them the same but differently. I think they know they get time with me. And in the end, I think they really just want each other ;)
I share this for any mama struggling through the challenges of two or more littles. Because in the thick of newborn life, when my postpartum self would get exceptionally emotional, my twin mama mentors would tell me, “just wait till they interact, it’s the best,” and I too would think yeah, but really? And when?
But yes really. And in time.
I can’t say my kids are best friends (yet!) and I can’t say yours will be either. But whatever this is I’m observing now, is just neat. I know this is one of those things that could possibly get better as they age. Or get worse as of course there are tons of challenges that we are already working through (#sharing!). And I’m sure there will be many phases, months, or (teenage) years they need some space. But let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves :)
