Gosh, the other day I was going through old blog posts, so happy that I wrote down all the feels while the twins were babies. Also, these pics are from our holiday shoot I wanted to post/save for myself because I love them:) For the record, I’m not one to record first roll, first tooth, etc however I did jot down my thoughts as I ventured through my first year of motherhood. I realized I haven’t written much since Leo was born. Third child syndrome I guess! I don’t feel bad, because instead of Leo having every month recorded, he got a ton of experience and adventure while living with his twin brother and sister. You can’t replace that! And mama’s been busy just trying to make sure everyone is okay. And everyone is adjusted.
Which brings me to my next point, adjustment. Another reason I haven’t written regularly on the blog! While i usually share the fun and positive on Instagram, bringing home baby Leo home actually brought a lot of challenges the first few months as the twins learned that he wasn’t just a novel thing to keep talking about like we did when he was in my belly, but he was actually a tiny human, that was here to stay. Forever.
Without going into too much detail, went through potty regressions, sleep regressions, behavioral phases, and much more from July – September, and it was physically and emotionally weighing on the entire family. If I wasn’t sleeping, which I wasn’t since either the baby or a twin was up crying for me every other hour, my mind was racing over what I did wrong, what I could do better and so on.
All these things are super normal! Which is why in part I share with you! That if you’ve brought home a new babe or going through some other transition your family will be fine! It’s okay for big bro or big sis to not like baby right away, or for some time (we still struggle with it). You did nothing wrong. Personally, while one baby seems like such a simpler ball game than the twins were, one baby is also one whole new person. And that takes some getting used to, for everyone! At least over here! So it doesn’t matter how many children you have, how well you rock the mom game (chances are – you do!), things can still be hard!
So here we are, fast forward almost 10 months! Everyone seems to be better. And I am just more sensitive towards my little people these days (or maybe forever). Their needs, their wants, their feelings. There are three of them three years old and under, and while I had so much twin mom guilt figuring out how to give each baby the undivided attention they needed, it has become more apparent as my twins are morphing into their own, their temperaments are extremely different, and their emotional needs from me vary so much. And then of course Leo, he is just a baby. And he needs me to be his mama, in every way a baby does. The cuddles, the kisses, the peek a boos, and the over spoiling of love that babies need (and he is for sure getting-though the twins steal a lot of his attention)!
If you’ve welcomed or are about to welcome a new babe to the family and looking for some insight, here are a few things that helped our transition that you can implement on the daily.
Tips For Welcoming Baby To The Family
and Adjusting to New Sibling:
1.Ask the older kids to help
When you change a diaper, ask an older child to help! Even if they’re not capable, pretend they are helping in big little ways. It will make your older child feel needed and helpful in moments you have to attend to the baby.
2. Let the older kids help
Sounds redundant but it’s not. Sometimes you won’t ask for or want the older child to help, but they insist on coming with you. Rather than putting up the fight, receive the offer, let them tag along, and even if it makes things trickier or more chaotic, the feeling the older child will have after “helping” or “coming with” is almost always worth it
3. Ask for help
Now ask for real help, like from your mom, dad, in-laws, friends, a care-giver etc. Don’t be scared. Help looks different in every family. It doesn’t matter who is there to support you. Help is help, and we all need it.
4. Accept the help
Sounds redundant again:) There will be times you won’t want or ask the help, but more often than not, someone offers, and you could use it. There will also be times when you know you need it but you feel guilty or bad to ask. I’ve always found that accepting the help is more beneficial than trying to be tough guy and therefore reaching that breaking point sooner than later. I’ve also learned that maybe I don’t want help with my kids some days, but maybe that same person can do dishes instead.
5. Carve out One on One Time With the Older Ones
This sounds overwhelming. It can be! But doesn’t have to be. One on one time doesn’t need to mean a 3 hour date out at the beach with lunch and ice cream to follow. It can simply be asking one child to read a couple books in a special place in the house (we go to my bedroom, or my work space, so they know it’s “special” rather than sitting on one of the regular couches or book nooks we read in). If we have the time and help at home, we will even sneak out for a walk, which can be 20 minutes, and mean so much and can make a reconnection so big I feel okay telling that older child it’s now time for mommy to fully attend to the baby again.
6. Order Takeout
Game-changer. Meal planning is already stressful when not going through a transition, so in the middle of juggling a few young kids including a newbie, take out and delivery are so essential. There is no prep, no cleanup and personally I felt that spending the extra money on affordable options for a few weeks was worth the sanity it provided my family.
7. Give a gift or treat to the older kids from baby
Leo “gifted” the twins a present when he came home from the hospital, and every now and then we will tell the twins that he picked out a special treat for them etc. so they know that he is thinking of them and loves them ;) We want them to know it’s not a one way street – while the twins are learning to love him, he is learning to love them too!
8. Tell Stories About Your Family at Bedtime
Part of the twins bedtime routine lately has included me telling them a story, rather than reading one (or after we read). I always share the story of how mommy and daddy prayed for a baby, and they were gifted two! How happy and grateful we were. How the two babies Slater and Zoe were (are!)our everything. And then how one day they were gifted another sweet baby, Leo. We change the story up, but even before I get to the Leo part, they often chime in and tell me when baby Leo comes. It’s super sweet.
9. Repeat after me, “The Best Gift You Have Given Them Is Each other “
a twin mom friend told me this when I was going through extreme twin mom guilt when Slater and Zoe were little. I felt horrible i couldn’t give each of them 100 percent of me. As they’ve grown I’ve realized that whatever I was or am unable to give them they will give each other! It took a couple years, when the twins started really talking and interacting to see their bond grow and I know Leo will be their buddy too when he’s able to play like they do. They fight – don’t get me wrong – but I truly believe sibling-hood is such a gift.
10. Grace upon Grace
Having one baby is hard! But we can do hard things! Having two babies is hard! But we can do hard things! God (the universe, whatever you believe!) never stops granting us grace upon grace as we endure and evolve in life. We need to remind ourselves we are doing a great job. And the days we can’t make everyone happy. The weeks we can’t do 1:1 time.Or the phases no one is sleeping and everyone is just emotional… we need more of it. We are doing the best we can. Everyone is loved. And because of that, everyone will be fine.
I feel like the twins and I used to be the three musketeers (we love you too, daddy!), and while I cherish our bond so much, the new three musketeers are really Slater, Zoe and now Leo. It makes my heart so happy to watch them play, talk about each other, and ultimately, take care of one another. While it’s a struggle to give them each my all, it’s a struggle that hurts so good. I have all the mom guilt still. I have long days. I burn out. So I go outside for some sun on my face, then I come home, and am reminded that even though these babies can break me down, they are the ones who build me back up. They are the best medicine for my soul.
Ok, that’s it for now, and I’m going to do a little update on Leo soon! Mostly for my own family records, but also for those of you who want to hear the scoop too! I’m going to close in saying we never finished adjusting to three, we are still adjusting! And maybe always will be! Because isn’t that motherhood? We change, our children grow, our family evolves, and our life expands us. And thats what makes this journey so beautiful.
